Dreaming of glamorous motherhood.
When I was younger, I always imagined a glamorous life, of marriage and children. Although it wasn’t my sole purpose in life to marry and have children is was pretty darn important from pretty early on. I still enjoyed my teenage years, partied hard, got a degree. One day getting to be grown up and having a family was always in the back of my mind.
Now I am grown up. I have married a wonderful loving man and have 2 beautiful children. There. Is. No. Glamour! Life is hard some days. Days are long. The challenges sometimes break me. Out of the corner of my eye, I find myself noticing cute old retired couples enjoying tea and scones as I lug my toddler, my groceries and my older child past a café, quickly of course, we are always in a rush, (yes I am a stay-at-home-mum, where we have to rush off to I’m not exactly sure!) and I start to dream about being retired, having my kids move out of home, reigniting my relationship with that fun kind man I married.
You relating? If you are like me, reading a blog post, you are probably also thinking about the laundry that’s starting to smell in the washer, what you might rustle up for dinner, that you should really be using the kids sleep times for more useful activities, or check on the kids, seen as they are quiet right at this moment, it’s a bit sus, they are probably trashing something, or goodness its late, I really should be sleeping, my children will be awake again in a few hours and sleep deprived adults are prone to tantrums! But sometimes we like to steal a little break, scan an ipad, phone or computer screen for some content that picks us up, connects us to something or draws a smile.
This parent thing is hard, but you are rocking it. Rocking Glamorous Motherhood!
Let’s not be like those cute older couples enjoying their hot tea and scones in the café, because they are in fact regretting not making the most of their prime years, not being present and feeling the joy that children bring. He is regretting not accepting his 5 year old sons offer to carry a bag of groceries to the car and patiently watching him struggle, perhaps dint a can, slow us up, even embarrass us when a car has to wait as he trundles across the crossing at snails pace carrying his bag of groceries just like dad, he regrets being in a hurry. She regrets not letting their daughter wear green gumboots with pjs and fairy wings to kindy, cos that’s not ‘appropriate’. She regrets mopping the floor instead of playing in the sandpit. He regrets not letting the kids stay up and play trains cos he wanted watch adult shows on TV. Don’t be that mum who feels guilty for working full time and getting takeaway 4 nights a week. Don’t be that mum who feels guilty for not working and resents not living in a big flash house. Don’t be the wife that complains that their husband is useless and never helps. Don’t be that mum who tells herself off for this and that and the other. Be ok with however your Glamorous Motherhood is right now. This parent thing is hard, just keep on rocking it!
Be kind – start with you, praise and forgive yourself, then be kind to your partner if you have one and your children, your parents, your friends and strangers.
Be grateful – for one thing to start with, then two things, then more, then everything.
Be relaxed with a few achievable expectations – and remember the previous, be kind to yourself if you still don’t meet those targets, be grateful you got through the day.
Be connected – connect with mums who like you are struggling with parenthood, adulthood, loneliness or boredom, who are struggling with who they are and who they want to me, who might be struggling with their marriage, their kids or even just struggling to identify the reason they are struggling, or trying to pretend they are not struggling! We all know one of those mums, who seems to have it all together, she doesn’t ok, she’s just good at faking it! Connect with other families. Just try and connect.
Be healthy – eat some healthy food sometimes, do some exercise sometimes, do some relaxing sometimes.
Be courageous and ask for help – it takes courage to admit we need it and accept support from others.
Be seen – encourage your husband or children, parents or friends to notice the awesome things you do in your job, your Glamorous Motherhood job, they probably can’t give you a bonus or even a pay cheque, a merit award or a gold star, but being recognized and thanked goes a long way doesn’t it? It’s ok to ask for it.
Be glamorous – sometimes pop on some lip gloss, paint your nails, shave your legs or brush your hair! Do you have a nice pair of jeans you can still squeeze into? Pop them on occasionally even if you are just doing the grocery shopping. This can be the glamorous life. The glamorous life can be sick kids, baby’s first step, messy house, fun mum, running late, stained shirt, big smile, demanding toddlers, supportive friends, kids full of attitude, the big, the small, the ups, the downs, the tears, the laughter. It is life. We need the dull to feel glamorous, we need objectionable to see the desirable, we need the tragic to know the magic.